Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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