I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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