true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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