So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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