I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
