I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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