I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
its not stalking. its research.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
