I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize