I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
