He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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