I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
