I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
