Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
