At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
