Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
