I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
