Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
