I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
