One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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