Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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