Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
