Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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