my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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