I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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