What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
