you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
