Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He felt like a one man threesome
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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