420 ftw
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it because I queefed?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
