do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
