I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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