what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
