it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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