Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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