god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
