My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize