If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
