I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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