Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
