i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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