note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
