The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
