is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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