two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
