I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize