She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
