no, he came in my armpit
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
