i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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