I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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