We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the condom got lost in my hair
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
