it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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