i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
