so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
