You made me cry and you don't even care
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
