Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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