you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
