I wish life had little blips of pornography
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
