I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
