he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
