Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
