there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
