We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
