What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How does it feel to date your dad?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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