Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
