How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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