My boss' voice literally gives me gas
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize