I think I died a long time ago.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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