Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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