im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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