I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
