You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
