just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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