dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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