she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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