You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
did i just pee glitter
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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