I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
