i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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