You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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