i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
