you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
