Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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