I'm laying in your front yard are you home
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
