Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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