Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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