She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize