Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
