I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
