I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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