I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
