If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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