i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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