i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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