I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You were trust falling into bushes
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
