Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dicks are not precious.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize