we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
