We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize