i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
