I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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